Being Obedient when I don’t want to

19 May

Last year, I was living large. I had everything I have ever thought I ever wanted: great husband, happy kids who do well in school, nice home in a good neighborhood, luxury vehicles and extra money to spend. If I wanted it—I bought it. I spent more money on vacations than most people make in a year.

Yet, every day I woke up dreading the job that provided all of that, and resentful of this kids, the house and the husband that seemed to be a constant drain in my energy. “God,” I wrote in my journal, “You have blessed me so much and answered all of my prayers. I asked and I received, but I am so unhappy. Am I just ungrateful?”

After months of praying for guidance, I finally learned that the problem was ME. I was focused on what I wanted, not what God wanted. So I began a new prayer. I wish I could say that I was excited and ready for whatever it was that God put before me, but instead my payer went something like this:

God, I want what I want, but I want to want what you want. I pray that you will guide me toward your will and keep me in it, even if it turns out to be something other than what I was expecting. Help me be okay with whatever it is that you want for me.

Day after day I asked God to keep me in His will. I got a job offer that I would have jumped at a few years back, but the spirit told me no, and God helped me to be obedient. Why? Because He had something better. Both myself and my husband are now in better positions and I’ve learned that the saying, ‘money doesn’t buy happiness,’ is more true than I ever imagined.

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